Category Archives: Memoirs

08/10

I feel as though recently there has been a narrative circulating that individuals thrive when they adopt the attitude that they don’t need anyone else. I think subliminally it’s been picked up from social media, reading different articles and even in general conversation, the belief that being able to stand alone is preferable and reliability on others is weakness.

Don’t misunderstand when I say that everybody needs a support system, because I agree that we need to be strong as individuals too. At 24 most of my decisions are selfish, I get up in the morning and lead the day I want to lead. I go to work for me, I work on my fitness for me, I shop for me and I socialise for me. When I am going through something it’s in my character to go through it alone, but the idea that as Human’s we don’t one another is alien. I am able to do all of the above things because I have a network of people around me that I can count on when I need them and vice versa.

I think females sometimes convince themselves that they don’t need men, and men that they don’t need females. Perhaps this also correlates with the mirroring concept that people will only be what you show them to be or to think. Realistically we do need the opposite sex, not only as partners but as father/mother figures, as brothers/sisters and as colleagues and friends. Feeding into and maintaining it is counterproductive and unrealistic.

I like to believe that the perfect balance exists. That because no two people are the same there is beauty in interacting with another completely different to yourself. Where someone falls short, the other makes up. Feeding into the ideology that none of us need anyone is dangerous and evolves an existing self-fulfilling prophecy…

 

12/09 – Mirrors

I never know how to start these because my thoughts usually come out of nowhere, so I’m just going to jump straight in…

I’ve been thinking about how easy it is to mirror the other people in our lives, and how our experiences are shaped by this. For example, how you think about a certain situation can literally determine the outcome of that situation – ‘thoughts become things’. If you know me personally, you know I love using that saying. It is so easy to let your perspective become the complete narrative, when actually it is only yours. How you think/feel/react to anything in your life belongs to you and not others. The whole story is barely grasped by you alone.

I think it’s important from this to understand how little we actually matter in terms of other peoples decisions and actions. And this can be apparent in any aspect of your life, work life, within relationships or family, certainly friendship too. Something that somebody else does may trigger you, but it’s more likely that they have done that whilst thinking and feeling in themselves, and not in a reaction to you.

The clarity that you give to a situation or experience will, in my opinion quite literally affect its outcome.  Your construct of what is happening will seep out into every interaction – whatever that may be – physically, emotionally. And eventually the receiver will mirror that back to you, physically, emotionally. What you put in will always be what you get back out. If you want respect, give it. If you want love, give it. If you want forgiveness, understanding, reassurance, give it. It might not come from the source you are expecting but that is what you will receive.

I guess this also says a lot about perception. Most people’s perceptions depend on how they see themselves, standing in their own lives. You see most things from where you are, so if you are feeling distant from a certain friendship, perhaps you have created that distance in your head from your assumed perception (mostly this stems from our own fears) but if you then mirror that to the respective person, how can they not mirror it back to you, completing the narrative you created in the first place…

5 Minute Philosopher…

This interview is always on the last page of stylist magazine (http://www.stylist.co.uk/) So I thought I would try and answer some of the questions to ease myself back into writing for this month of August…

What is the meaning of life? I think the meaning of life is what you make it. To Laugh, share experiences, find out what you Love doing and learn along the way.

What is the difference between right and wrong? Right is when you live in a way that doesn’t hurt anybody else, wrong is when you know that your actions are negatively affecting others. The lines can be blurred though.

Where is your happy place? Maybe on a beach or in the gym. I am happiest when I am with my friends or chilling with my family.

Nature or Nurture? Both, Nature provides the ingredients, but our upbringing and our experiences continue to shape us.

Is it more important to be liked or respected? Respected because it lasts longer. Being liked and loved by the people close to you is more important than being liked by people you don’t know.

If you could be remembered for one thing what would it be? Just generally being a bit wacky and weird and not afraid of being myself. And being a good friend, I think that is really important.

Who or What is your greatest love? Who would be my family and friends. Big love for them. What would be Italy, I feel a way there that I can’t feel anywhere else in the world.

When did you last lie? 5 minutes ago when I said I would call someone back at work…. I am actually a really bad liar, my face gives everything away.

Does the supernatural exist? I believe that the Holy Spirit exists, but would you call that supernatural? On ghosts and stuff I am undecided.

Are you fatalistic? To some extent yes. I believe that everyone is on their own path but we create our own destiny. The choices we make and the way we lead our lives define us, which we have control over.

What is your greatest fear? Loosing everyone I love, or something happening to the people that I love. And public speaking.

Animals or babies? Baby elephant?

What talent do you yearn for? Either being able to Sing properly or being a fully qualified F1 driver – just to make my dad proud.

Do you like being complimented? I don’t know what to do with compliments so I get awkward when given one. I’m that person that instantly tries to deflect the situation away from me. I cringe thinking about it. But yes I do – doesn’t everyone?!

Do you have a high pain threshold? I’d like to think so. Although I had my knee taped up after an injury back in April and pulling that off hurt sooo bad. My sister who is a nurse might disagree with me.

What books do you recommend most to others? Honour by Elif Shafak, Small Island by Andrea Levy and The Kite Runner by Khaled Housseini. They are about honour and sacrifice and true friendship, and they all changed the way I look at love.

Which has been the hardest lesson to learn? I think it would be not to take things personally. Why do I always do that? And how to let go, that’s always tough.

Which food sums up happiness? Pizza.

What have you never understood? Bad manners and people who walk slow in the city.

What is the one thing you want to know before you die? Preferably when I am going to die so I can prepare for it.

Are you scared of dying or what happens when you die? I believe that if I live by faith then I have nothing to worry about. But I think knowing I am going to die imminently I would be anxious about it.

Quinoa or Quavers? Can I choose another type of crisps? Doritos chilli heatwave!