Perhaps you are meant to hold on
until you can’t feel you fingers
until you cannot tell two sets of hands apart
Perhaps you are meant to say you care
in every way there is to say it without words
Until you bruise and lose your grip
Perhaps you are meant to keep
that bite with gritted teeth
Until it teaches you how to
absolutely yet graciously,
© elena andrean
At lot of the time writing and self expression can come out of anger or frustration and insecurity, we all learn to deal with these things as we go through life. Sometimes it’s born out of happiness and contentment and thankfulness. When I read poems and lyrics on WordPress it amazes me how many people are out there writing away with no other objection that to communicate their thoughts in more of a humble way. Sometimes I/we worry because sharing our thoughts can leave us vulnerable but this gives us a platform as if sharing with a best friend.
There’s a story in everything. There’s a story to how you got to where you are today and that’s worth sharing. Imagine if you were to write down your life as a time line, including the biggest monumental parts and then the smaller ones they would all connect with each other and then to you, where you are right now. It would be full of apprehension and mistakes and laughter and happiness and all of that got you to this point. I wouldn’t say I believe in fate really more than I believe that you receive in turn what you give out, and although easier said than done, it just all adds to your failures and successes that subtract and multiply and divide to get you grown. There’s a scene In the Wire that explains the drug hierarchy of Baltimore using chess. If you actually think of your life as a chess board with all the individual players, you got pawns and Knights and Queens and what not and they are all making moves to protect the king. Say your knight graduates so he takes out a castle or your pawn breaks his leg so you ends up being checked. In the end it doesn’t matter how the game plays out long as the King is protected. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y0mxz2-AQ64
I’ve been looking back over some of my older poems and it’s so crazy how times change even when you don’t realise it. Some of them are experimentation some are creative and some just pure emotion lol and I wouldn’t say I necessarily got better rather than I’m now a little more focused about the type of thing I set my mind to write. It sort of shifted from expressing my own feelings or having fun to writing for awareness to different topics or situations that I feel need addressing, or more of a spotlight than they are given. I used to always say that my dream would be to publish a novel (still there) but I think that’s shifted or grown a little recently, I would love to create a space for others to be creative with writing, for them to experience how freeing yet gripping it can be all at the same time. With my dad being ill this year I just thought to myself Ellz what the hell are you waiting for if you don’t do this now then you’re not going to get the chance. And that too was all being fed by anger and frustration and over excessive laugher at points – all jumbled together and got me here, rambling on about chess to you people.
I can’t actually remember what the original point was but that is the female mind for you! If you do have a particular drive or goal because you know it makes you feel better or even because it gives you a purpose you wouldn’t otherwise have feed it as often as you have to. If it battles with that fear and anger and expresses your happiness then it’ll always be useful for you!