I feel as though recently there has been a narrative circulating that individuals thrive when they adopt the attitude that they don’t need anyone else. I think subliminally it’s been picked up from social media, reading different articles and even in general conversation, the belief that being able to stand alone is preferable and reliability on others is weakness.
Don’t misunderstand when I say that everybody needs a support system, because I agree that we need to be strong as individuals too. At 24 most of my decisions are selfish, I get up in the morning and lead the day I want to lead. I go to work for me, I work on my fitness for me, I shop for me and I socialise for me. When I am going through something it’s in my character to go through it alone, but the idea that as Human’s we don’t one another is alien. I am able to do all of the above things because I have a network of people around me that I can count on when I need them and vice versa.
I think females sometimes convince themselves that they don’t need men, and men that they don’t need females. Perhaps this also correlates with the mirroring concept that people will only be what you show them to be or to think. Realistically we do need the opposite sex, not only as partners but as father/mother figures, as brothers/sisters and as colleagues and friends. Feeding into and maintaining it is counterproductive and unrealistic.
I like to believe that the perfect balance exists. That because no two people are the same there is beauty in interacting with another completely different to yourself. Where someone falls short, the other makes up. Feeding into the ideology that none of us need anyone is dangerous and evolves an existing self-fulfilling prophecy…
We Are, and We Wonder,
We grow, and We Feel,
We Reason, and Laugh,
We are Joyous and Still.
We Shy, and We Fear,
Yet We Protect and Reveal,
In Our Thoughts and Our Language
We Love and We Heal.
I never know how to start these because my thoughts usually come out of nowhere, so I’m just going to jump straight in…
I’ve been thinking about how easy it is to mirror the other people in our lives, and how our experiences are shaped by this. For example, how you think about a certain situation can literally determine the outcome of that situation – ‘thoughts become things’. If you know me personally, you know I love using that saying. It is so easy to let your perspective become the complete narrative, when actually it is only yours. How you think/feel/react to anything in your life belongs to you and not others. The whole story is barely grasped by you alone.
I think it’s important from this to understand how little we actually matter in terms of other peoples decisions and actions. And this can be apparent in any aspect of your life, work life, within relationships or family, certainly friendship too. Something that somebody else does may trigger you, but it’s more likely that they have done that whilst thinking and feeling in themselves, and not in a reaction to you.
The clarity that you give to a situation or experience will, in my opinion quite literally affect its outcome. Your construct of what is happening will seep out into every interaction – whatever that may be – physically, emotionally. And eventually the receiver will mirror that back to you, physically, emotionally. What you put in will always be what you get back out. If you want respect, give it. If you want love, give it. If you want forgiveness, understanding, reassurance, give it. It might not come from the source you are expecting but that is what you will receive.
I guess this also says a lot about perception. Most people’s perceptions depend on how they see themselves, standing in their own lives. You see most things from where you are, so if you are feeling distant from a certain friendship, perhaps you have created that distance in your head from your assumed perception (mostly this stems from our own fears) but if you then mirror that to the respective person, how can they not mirror it back to you, completing the narrative you created in the first place…